It’s my habit to lament before Him Every time I feel defeated and lost by my circumstances, in which I have to let go of someone or something in my life. Asking why things have to be this hard to believe that something good is coming, that all of these shits are all be worth it. It is hard to understand why you have to let go of things you invested your prayers and faith with. Steffany Gretzinger, One of the known Worship Song leaders from Bethel church inspires me, which changes the way I look up God. I was listening to one of her live video from youtube during their youth service, and she is singing King of my heart, while jumping and crying in front of the whole congregation. Right before the song ends, she says:
“We’re gonna sing along this song again because he’ll always do, because he is good. For the only thing in my entire life that was greater than my fear is my conviction. Because I knew he was, just the way he has. Even if I haven’t experience him at a certain way yet, even if my experience and my understanding is small, I knew he was not. That’s why I want you to feel and let that rise from deep down that confidence, and let that confidence fill you today. Sometimes we sing something because we believe it, because we’re sure. Sometimes we sing it until we see it, until we know. So if that’s not your conviction today, that His been good since the garden until after before that. Then I want you to sing this song over to yourself.
Long after my life, I want to be remembered to be singing this song, that I was completely convinced of the goodness of the father”
I was overwhelmed by her message. I felt like my heart, my mind and soul was spiritually opened by the truth. And that exactly what hinders most of us, especially me in pursuing His will. We have that fear of putting our faith into waste. That makes me cry whenever I stand at the pulpit, because I feel the guilt of having that lack of faith despite of all the goodness and miracles he made into my life. It is easy for us to worship God when things are going well, when things are in favoured in our plans, but when storms and trials comes how come we are easily persuaded by lies and doubts? Sometimes we eye on the promise alone and not to the source of the blessing itself. Not because things are going tough along the way, it doesn’t mean that God is not in control. Just like when we’re riding at a taxi, sometimes it is not moving because it is traffic for some good reasons, like road contractions and traffic lights, but it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to reach your destination. You just have to trust the driver of your life, and that is God who is all-knowing. For God is investing in you, that someday you will reap what you sow .You just don’t trust him that much yet that’s why you are afraid to dive into your faith. But darling, that faith will grow best at the wilderness because it is where he will reveal his glory.
At the long run I’ve learned that We have to let the Holy Spirit live in us and not just by dancing with it when it’s time to worship. So now, because of this song, I was assured by the love of the father, that long after this life, I want to be known as “Woman of Faith”. A woman who will glorify him no matter what the circumstances are for I am convinced by His goodness. I know that his will and love for me will remain constant forever, and that trails and testings’ are just in season. We just have to overcome everything with faith anchored in Him. And for me, that makes me a God’s girl– my faith.